God’s Calling for Me

Photo May 06, 12 21 15 PM

No one is so far gone there isn’t a way back. I would have despaired of Eva or anyone else if I didn’t remember what I am apart from the grace of God. Apart from the grace of God, I believe I’d be dead or in prison at this point. My father was an alcoholic, full of resentment and anger, he was not a nice man, he was mean. My first memory of him (maybe 2 or 3) was standing over my mother threatening her life. He eventually drank himself to death. Out side the apartment I lived in, was an equally violent world of the projects, fighting all the time and being pressured  to join a gang. My mom worked 4 to midnight so she wasn’t around and I don’t remember her much in those years. As a teenager we moved from the projects and my new environment included Dukes Tavern where I hung out on the corner aspiring to drink and work in a factory. I was a dead end kid, with no moral compass hanging out with a bad crowd, headed in the wrong direction. Then I got drafted into the army, left the neighborhood saw the world, and with the GI Bill went to college, became a professional alcoholic and Marxist, who then went to Woodstock where drugs and the counterculture delivered me from alcohol and Marx. I was “far out”, so far out I didn’t even know they had sent men to the moon. I was way beyond the moon. I have no idea what year I became a Christian, I think it was between 1972 and 1975, slowly comes the dawn. All I can remember was living in Haight-Ashbury at the Zen Center in San Francisco with all my countless demons. There wasn’t much of me left, just a shred  when Jesus Christ  came into my life and rescued me from myself. All I know is God started his conversion program in me that day, (whenever that day was) and it continues to this day poco a poco, little by little, one day at a time. It’s all we really have if we’re honest, God and one day at a time. When I look at myself, Eva and so many other impossible cases, I think no problem. In the world this is impossible but with God nothing is impossible. If God could pull me out of the fire I have every confidence Ava is going to come through as well.

Coming to Guatemala is just my way of being grateful, of saying thank you Lord. God has richly blessed me here. I’m humbled by the poor of Guatemala and all they’ve taught this entitled American about what real life is all about and what Jesus meant when He said, ” Happy are the poor in spirit.”

In the eyes of the world Eva is a nobody, a drop in the bucket of a world filled to overflowing with faceless nobodies; if she were gone today many would be relieved, there’d be one less mouth to feed. In the eyes of God Eva is His daughter with a Holy Spirit of  beauty, dignity and countless worth. Please pray for us and our little group.

Grace and peace that only God can give be with you and yours.